High school writings

I was cleaning out my closet and happened upon an essay I wrote as a senior in high school. I loved it and wanted it to have a more permanent home in case something happened to the paper copy. So the internet is permanent right?!

"The Day I Realized"

September 1st, 2007 was the day my Grandpa Amerson died. Up until this point there have only been two other deaths in my family, neither of which were tragic. I'm a 17-year-old senior in high school. My parents are still together; I have four rowdy brothers and two cute sisters. My friends are amazing; I have a very fulfilling religion; I do well in school, and fitness is a huge part of my life. Overall, my life, although not perfect, has been worry-free and great. What I'm trying to say is I've never thought about death that much; I've never had to. This funeral made me think about life, death and everything along with it.

I had just gotten home from work and was sitting at the kitchen table. My dad got home a few minutes later; he was the one that told me grandpa had died. it was unexpected and a little shocking. it definitely wasn't what I expected to hear that uneventful day.

Sad isn't the right word to describe his death. He was 62 years old. My grandpa was a victim of cancer. He had it in his throat and tongue. He ended up having to have his tongue and part of his throat removed. He ate the rest of his meals through a tube. Of course, he wasn't able to talk very well, but he always found a way to communicate his love to everyone.

If there is such a thing as a perfect death, my grandpa experienced it. My grandpa loved to go camping and fishing and be outdoors whenever he could. This was his true passion. He was pretty sick for a while but finally got well enough to say to my grandma, "Dawn, pack up; we're going up the mountain". They had been up there only two days when on the second night he got really, really sick. He said to my grandma, "Dawn, I'm dying". She replied by comforting him with the words, "It's ok, I'm here for you, I'm always here for you". She made him as comfortable as possible and he died peacefully in his sleep.

I contemplated not going to the funeral just because it's so hard to miss school, but I did go and I'm so glad I did. The family was rushing all morning to get ready in time for the hour drive to Cedar City. So all morning I didn't have much time to think about the actual funeral, but I know I did not plan on crying.

Well, things don't always go as planned. As soon as I entered the room where the viewing was held, I was holding back tears. I still can't explain why I was so emotional. There were a lot of pictures of him and the family and that's what really got me going because pictures affect me so much.

The service was amazing. We had a family prayer and that's when I finally let all the tears out. We were asked to come see my grandpa one more time and my grandma started talking to him. That was really hard and a little strange to watch.

They closed up the casket and we moved into the chapel for the eulogy and the talks. Listening to his eulogy was really great. There was so much about him that I didn't know that I found out that day. I was so mad at myself for not asking him more about his life and just finding out everything there is to know. He really was an amazing guy.

After the speeches and musical numbers, my grandma asked that if anyone wanted to go up and say something to please do so. I wanted to tell everybody my favorite memory of my grandpa, but before I got the courage to go up they ended that part of the service. I was so sad I didn't get to tell them about the time my grandpa and I had the best talk. My grandma and he came over to my house and I had just gotten home from school. That particular day I didn't have work or homework. So I got to hang out on the couch with my grandpa. He asked me a million questions about what I wanted to be when i grew up, where I wanted to go to school, and what my life goals were. I've never met someone that sincerely cared about my answers so much. I learned a lot from him that day.

When we got to the graveyard, and my dad said the dedicatory prayer, all I felt was peace. I knew that my grandpa wanted us to all have a good day, not one filled with mourning. We were sad he was gone, but he was truly in a better place where he didn't have to eat through a tube anymore.

So you're asking how the event changed my life. Well, all the questions I've never asked myself came pouring into my head. What will people say about me when I die? Will people cry and miss me? Am I going to heaven? I can't tell you how big this was to me. I'm young and naive and I have never even thought about this whole other side of life. I've thought about this a lot lately, and it's made me realize a whole list of things. I need to say hi to everyone I know. I need to ask questions and listen to the answers. I need to make people feel important and loved. I need to call my grandma and other grandparents "just to chat", along with all my other family. I need to make memories whenever I'm given the opportunity to. I need to laugh, and cry, and scream, and jump around. I need to give out hugs, and forgive people. I need to accomplish things, and learn all I can. I need to do all of this before it's too late, because I want my funeral to be more of a celebration than a mourning day.

This Wednesday I took a quick trip to Las Vegas for the Magic show. This trip concluded the buying season. I'm sad to see it go because it's always a lot of fun but let's be real, the other day I had a benchmark meeting for my senior capstone and the bottom line was I need to step up my game or I'll be retaking the class. So I've done 6 hours of school work today before I allowed myself to write this post. 

This show is always full out, for example the video below. Desigual does this every year. He's painting the girl's clothes in a very dramatic and, I guess you could say, sensual way. Once the paint was on there he picked up a handful of glitter and blew it on the paint. So there's that. 

This show was a lot of fun because I finally feel like I know the process and I'm not stressing the whole time about doing it wrong or whatever. The hardest part is telling people no when they want you to double what you've picked out. The other hard part is not feeling ugly. I swear everyone there is gorgeous and done up to the nines. I mostly just feel short when I'm there. 

But! I'm very excited to get everything in. I love this time of year when everything is full of new spring orders and I can't keep up and my days fly by in a second. To sum up, I've got a pretty cool job. 

Gab turns 25.

Valentine's Day is Gab's Birthday. His 25th this year! He's such a handsome 25 year old man. It's funny to think that one day I'll look at these pictures and totally trip out at how young we were. 

Since his birthday was a Friday, we both worked. When Gab got home from work he had to finish writing a paper that was due at midnight. So it wasn't until 9:00 that we ventured out into the world. We went to Rigatti's (best pizza in town) and picked up a medium half pepperoni (Gab's) and half chicken bacon ranch (mine) and a root beer. Then we drove up to the water tower overlooking the city, set up some blankets and sat down to eat pizza. Well Gab more like scarfed his. Apparently working and schooling all day makes a birthday boy very hungry. 

When we were done eating I asked him if he wanted to open his present that he had been asking for since midnight. So he opened the box and inside found a Hawaiian shirt. "Oh cool!", he says. I waited as long as I could before saying, "there's something in the pocket". He pulled out a piece of paper; it was an email confirmation saying, "congratulations! your cruise is booked!". He was very surprised so it was well worth all the trouble of booking it. We (Mike and I) were trying to buy them before his birthday but wanted to get a really good deal. Also, Gab wanted to plan a Moab trip for Spring Break so he texted a bunch of friends trying to plan it and we had to call everyone and tell them that it wasn't really going to happen. 

Happy Birthday my Schmab. I'm so excited about the direction our lives are headed! I love you. 

In which I up my game in the womanhood department.

When I was in 5th grade there were a couple girls in my class that came to school with sandals on. I don't know if this was the first time they wore them or just the first time I noticed but I asked them, "how come you're wearing sandals? You can't even run in them".

 This was coming from the girl that spent her recesses playing football with the boys and her after school time and weekends building bike jumps, climbing trees and the Red Mountain and always, always running everywhere I went. There was so much to do I just didn't have the time to walk around in sandals to get where I needed to go. I was a tomboy and dang proud of it. I wrestled neighborhood boys more than once. I punched neighborhood boys more than once.

 I have a picture of me in an easter outfit that was a cute little skirt and top that my mom bought for me. Guess what I'm wearing it with? Tennis shoes. And guess what I'm doing in the picture? Crouching down super lady like (not) to look under the van for easter eggs. I was going to find more than Chance. 

photographic evidence

Sure, I had girl friends and we played house and barbies, but my favorite days were the ones spent outside with my tennis shoes racking up mileage. 

Well this post went farther in that direction than planned but let's fast forward to present day when I finished my first crochet project. My womanhood was like, "I'm freeeee!" And I immediately got on Pinterest and pinned 100 new projects to try. It's satisfying, this whole creation thing. I dig it. 

P.S I chopped my hair but I am not ready to share. It got botched.